I am constantly impressed with the interwoven nature of my most important principles. You take the time to truly give someone your #attention. You receive from them their #insight which you have to be #grateful for, it is from a different place than every single person ever. You can then show #empathy for their situation wether that empathy reaches out for their hardship, loss or otherwise negative position, or that empathy finds the characteristics you #admire and wish to #emulate. Qualities you choose to shape into your own genuine way
People can feel when you truly give attention, and not the superficial interaction that plagues us so much, but actual focused attention, the kind based in caring for another human being. Have you ever gone through the perfunctory “How’ve you been…good how bout you..same good me too or even I’d complain but who’d listen/just canned pander that doesn’t really amount to much. I have tens of hundreds of interactions a week in the bar and I found myself often answering anticipated questions or stating canned type responses and completely botching a response because I didn’t TRULY care. This is an important distinction…I am not saying that I did NOT care, I just didn’t TRULY care.(In one horrible moment I was talking about the pink hat I was wearing, one of the variety of colors we went through and I was moving through it so eager to talk up us and our business that I respond that’s great to a customer’s statement and then continued on with what I was so interested in getting out. He then stopped me and repeated back the conversation. Concluding with the fact I had just responded that’s great to him revealing that his aunt had passed from breast cancer, I am ashamed to say that at the time this story took place my next reaction WAS NOT an immediate resolve to stop caring so much about what I had to say and to start listening(it took a little longer for me to get there) it was just a wallowing in my own mortification…still more selfishness basically). I have since changes a lot about myself and especially about my own narcissistic nature. The irony of my podcasts name I DO LOVE ME SOME ME is that in came from my Instagram handle that I claimed long before it was the positive inspiring thing I hope it is today. No it started out as self focused half joke or maybe I should say half truth.
Once you have laid down that attention at their feet you begin to get their real and honest insight. People are so unaccustomed to the kind of attention you are giving and genuine care you are showing that they will open up in ways they don’t normally. Often times this is in a subconscious unintentional way but it is there. The trick here is for you to go beyond listening. The value is that insight itself. This person whoever they are is different from you. They had a different life experience. Everything they have ever experienced has shaped them into something other than you. So when you both look at a thing or a person or a situation they see something, something that is different from your own perspective. Look at the value in that. They have just saved you all the learning all the pain all the time it took to gain that insight. They are literally just handing it to you. The real beauty is that what you get from them is now yours and you can take some, all, or even none of it and they’ll never know. Either way show gratitude for the gift they have given you. Even if they don’t know it.
I swear I am gonna throw up a post here soon that doesn’t entail #empathy, or maybe I won’t, it is SOOOO valuable. When people share ike this with me I am immediately put in a place of empathy. It really is a major key. Understand that the ones you don’t take all from, the ones especially that you take none from. Those are the one who need your empathy the most. Understand that all the experiences that shaped them are just different than yours. It doesn’t make them wrong…it doesn’t make you wrong either. It just means that you have different experiences. Take some time to see if truly they have nothing or if in that state of empathy you find that there is something there. In that state you mind even find something you can give them.
The reality is we are all in this together. Let’s give what we can to each other in a way that betters us all. I DO LOVE ME SOME ME and I truly hope IYOU ARE LOVING YOU SOME YOU