I had an interesting visit last night. One I am actually completely grateful for. A local woman, one who for a brief time had been a regular, came in for the first time in months and it really helped me see some of my own growth, even in such a short time. It also
It wasn’t that long ago that I find myself talk poorly of this girl. It wasn’t a matter of anything terrible or really negative but I directly had an impact on the perception of this human being.
She was close friends with a liquor rep we had early on and they were in often. So often in fact that she ended up sleeping with one of our bartenders. Around this same time the rep and this woman had a confrontation with a customer as well as a few other incidents where I heard back about their drunk behavior in the bar. There was also a bit of gossip going around about these two and their relationships amongst a lot of the bar employees as well s regulars in our little downtown area.
Now it’s a bar and these things happen but I happened to like this bartender and so I know on some level my protectiveness came in. I know we have talked about principles as tools in the past and one of mine is my loyalty. That can manifest itself poorly at times. This was definitely one of those.
I was quick to be a part of that gossip, I also made a poor choice of judging these people and deciding that the friend was the issue and when I was placed in a position that I had to confront the rep about some of their actions potentially impacting our business relationship I fell into the trap of judging. I basically encouraged our rep to avoid this girl as it seemed she was leading her to trouble. The other part of this that I can see clearly in hindsight was the way that I, through some low-minded bro teasing, gave this bartender friend of mine the kind of mocking that he no longer continued the relationship.
Last night when she walked in I wonder if she was shocked by the growth I continue to experience. I was as happy to see her as I can be. Throughout the evening I thought of the opportunity to discuss our past a little and say that I was sorry for the way I had acted and for the impact it may have had on her.
My initial thought was the difference between apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I had somewhat of an epiphany that one of my huge moments of growth with the waitress-turned-stylist from my past was when I realized that while you should own up and apologize for your actions, letting their lack of forgiveness hold you back is silly. You need to recognize your wrongs and then grow from them. You don’t need another human being to tell you it’s ok that you made a mistake and they see that you are learning from it and growing into a better person.
So apology was what I decided. But as the night went on I realized there simply wasn’t a need to dredge this all up. I didn’t end up directly apologizing and my reasoning feels like another growth step so I wanted to share it with all of you.
That series of events is removed from us by a bit of time. It is also removed from our actions. We had an extremely pleasant conversation over the course of hours. We also talked about future visits she’ll be making to the bar.
Knowing that she was in positive place as far as our interaction went and knowing that the only real change was in my mindset and my attitude and treatment of her I decided that the apologetic words were not nearly as important as the treatment of her.
I do NOT think that this is universal. I am quite sure that there are people out there who would be better for hearing those words. But there are many who simply need to be treated better. People who need to feel your happiness and how it impacts them.
As they say words are cheap and actions are the real thing
I DO LOVE ME SOME ME & I HOPE YOU ARE LOVING YOU SOME YOU